Healing and Reintegration
Effective healing and reintegration requires the soul’s presence to intimately connect with the exile, hole or ego structure. Put simply, it requires taking the “healer” (the soul) to the “patient” (exile, hole or ego structure). But we generally avoid going near our psychological issues because they feel painful and uncomfortable, and we generally avoid our soul because it is not our usual sense of self. We need to practise connecting with them both if our self-healing is to be effective:
- Our psychological wounds are always present, but we repress them and distract ourselves so we don’t have to feel them. Personal self-inquiry and body awareness (both previously described in this chapter) are effective methods of identifying and connecting with our psychological wounds.
- Our soul is also always present, but it is often obscured by the activities of the mind, emotions and body. When we stop “doing” and start “being” we will soon become our soul’s presence.
It is the presence of the soul that brings about the healing and reintegration, but the soul doesn’t have to “do” anything – its intimate presence is all that is required. Psychological healing isn’t like healing a physical wound; it is more like healing a wounded relationship – the relationship between the soul and the part (exile, hole or ego structure):
- Exiles: Every exiled part is animated by a piece of soul that has forgotten it is soul. The piece of soul feels like it is wounded and traumatised because it is identified with the exiled part, but soul cannot actually be wounded. The soul’s presence helps the piece of soul to awaken from its misidentification with the exiled part, at which point its lack of wounding is immediately apparent and it reunites with the rest of the soul. Without the piece of soul to hold it together, the mental, emotional and energetic aspects of the exiled part soon dissolve and reintegrate with their respective subtle bodies.
- Holes: Every hole is a piece of soul that has forgotten it is soul. The piece of soul doesn’t know it exists because it is identified with a perceived lack. The soul’s presence helps the piece of soul to awaken from this misconception, at which point its wholeness immediately becomes apparent and the “lost” essential quality can begin to unfold.
- Ego Structures: Every ego structure is animated by a piece of soul that has forgotten it is soul. The piece of soul believes it has to protect or help us because it is identified with the ego structure. The soul’s presence helps the piece of soul to awaken from this misidentification and reunite with the rest of the soul. Without the piece of soul to hold it together, the mental, emotional and energetic aspects of the ego structure soon dissolve and reintegrate with their respective subtle bodies.
In all three cases nothing actually required healing. Psychological healing is simply about helping these misidentified pieces of soul to remember who they truly are. When they remember that they are soul, they naturally reintegrate with the rest of the soul. The more parts we reintegrate, the more we awaken to wholeness.
The Basic Healing and Reintegration Process
Important Note: It would be unwise to begin any kind of personal development work with the intention of “fixing” the things that are “wrong” with us. Our intention should be focused on developing our true-Self’s clear perception and clear expression, rather than fixing our ego-self. Always focus on the positive; not the negative, because focusing on the negative brings more of the negative, and focusing on the positive brings more of the positive. It is the ego that wants things to be fixed, and starting any kind of inner work from the position of the ego is destined for failure and disappointment. Inner work must be initiated by the Self, because the Self has the essential qualities that this work requires: patience, acceptance, compassion, love, curiosity, intuition, etc.
There are two starting points for inner work:
- Specific Issue: If you have a specific issue in mind that you want to work on, recall a time when the issue arose and notice what arises within you (body sensations, emotions, thoughts, memories, beliefs). If you choose to work on a general issue such as anxiety, it helps to narrow things down and work on one aspect at a time; e.g. performance anxiety or anxiety when talking to your boss. This is because a general issue such as anxiety is actually a cluster of many inter-related exiles, holes and ego structures, so it is best to work on them one at a time.
- No Specific Issue: If you don’t have a specific issue in mind, simply sense into your body and notice whatever is arising in the present moment.
The Feel It to Heal It Technique described earlier forms the basis of many of the healing and reintegration techniques in this book. I won’t repeat the steps again because they can be found a few pages back, but I will briefly describe some additional elements that can be incorporated into the process to widen its scope and increase its effectiveness. The processes described in this chapter are really just to introduce you to the basic processes of inquiry, healing and reintegration – the full range of therapeutic techniques are described in the next chapter.
- If you sense an abstract part: Sense its location, shape, size, colour, texture, emotional tone, state of mind, etc. The more “handles” you can get on it, the deeper the connection and the deeper the healing.
- If you sense a child-like part: Sense his/her age and emotional state. Does he/she have a job to do? Is he/she friendly or hostile? Where does he/she live? Does he/she have anything to say to you? The more you get to know him/her the better your chances of healing the relationship and reintegrating the part. Note: Dialoguing with child-like parts is described more fully in the next chapter.
- If more than one part is vying for your attention, choose one and feel into it as fully as you can, with pure awareness and intimate presence (while still maintaining awareness of your entire body).
- Let go of any agendas to change your experience or fix the issue. Just be with your experience fully.
- If memories or thoughts arise, contemplate them for a while to see if any further insights come, but do not get drawn up into your head – stay in your body.
- If emotions arise, feel them as fully as you can without becoming overwhelmed by them. Maintaining presence throughout your body should reduce or prevent overwhelming emotions.
- Try dialoguing with the part – Does it have anything to say to you? Does it have a story to tell? Is there anything it wants to show you? Is there anything it wants to do to help release its pain?
- You might encounter layered parts, e.g. confusion at the surface, then anger, with fear at the core. Just stay with each one and they will shift naturally (the core emotion will probably take the longest).
- If things don’t seem to be shifting, stay with it and increase your focus on the body sensations and/or emotions to feel them as fully as you can. Trust that the healing and reintegration will occur naturally in its own time, and remember that your interference will block this natural process.
- You may feel a delicate or little spaced out after doing deep psychological work. This is quite normal. Just take it easy for a couple of hours to give your system time to assimilate the changes.
- Working with a partner to “hold the space” and support you while you explore and reintegrate your psyche greatly increases the power of the work. Two people in presence boosts the power of this work exponentially.
Overcoming Obstacles and Resistance
It can be difficult to get close enough to an exiled part to feel it fully and heal the relationship because protective and distracting ego structures can prevent us from doing so, because that is their job. These ego structures won’t give up their roles until the exiled part is no longer a threat (or no longer needs protecting). At times like these, our internal system seems to be in deadlock but a useful insight I learned from Dr Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems (IFS), can help us to negotiate our way out of this stalemate.
Most of our protective and distracting ego structures were originally created when we were very young (at the same time that their associated exile was created). So these ego structures were created from very young consciousness, and they are still composed of very young consciousness because they have been isolated from life and have not grown up. This has two important ramifications:
- The ego structures are not aware that many years have passed, so they don’t know that we have grown up into a capable adult. They still believe that we are young, vulnerable and incapable of facing the distress that they are protecting us from.
- Like well-behaved children, they diligently keep doing what they were originally told (or programmed) to do, without question.
The first point is the key to undoing the second – Protective and distracting ego structures can often be circumvented by simply informing them that we are no longer a helpless little child and have grown up into a mature and capable adult. This revelation usually allows us access to the protected exile, which we can often heal with the pure awareness and presence of our soul. If the protector part comes onto the scene again, kindly ask it to step aside so that you can continue helping the exiled part.
Protective and distracting ego structures were originally created to protect our young ego-self from feeling the exiled part’s trauma and confusion. But ego structures can be augmented later in life with older more-developed consciousness. These older ego structures sometimes develop compassion for the exiled part and can even become quite protective of it. So the ego structure’s role has changed from protecting our young ego-self (from being overwhelmed) to protecting a young exiled part (from the general unpleasantness and hostility of the ego super-structure). If you encounter a caring ego structure, use the same basic approach (education and negotiation) but allow the protective part to keep an eye on the exile while you are with it.
Stages of Reintegration
To reintegrate an exiled part (which we would initially refer to as “it”), we first have to form a relationship with it (at which point we would refer to it as “you”), then we can welcome it back into our being (at which point we would refer to our integrated being as “I”):
- Third Person Relationship (It): The exiled part is completely separate from us. We don’t know the part so we refer to it in the third person, e.g. it is over there.
- Second Person Relationship (You): We get to know the part and form a relationship with it. In a dialogue with the part we would refer to it in the second person, e.g. you look very sad.
- First Person Relationship (I): The part no longer exists as a separate unit because it has been fully integrated into our being. We refer to our self in the first person, e.g. I am whole.
When the exiled part has been healed and reintegrated, the protective ego structure usually dissolves or disappears. If it doesn’t, the exile may not be completely healed, or the protector may be protecting another exile. These are both avenues for further exploration.
