B: The Personality & Ego Formation

The Personality

The personality is a blend of authenticity and ego. Our true nature expresses itself through them both, in varying proportions, depending on our current mood and our overall level of development:

• Authentic Personality: is the the true and unbounded aspect of our personality – the aspect that is not bound up in ego structures. It is Self-expressive, radiant, generous, compassionate and loving. It comes to the fore when we are relaxed, present, sincere and speak from our heart.
• Ego Personality: is the deficient, limited, programmed aspect of our personality – the sum-total of all the parts that are bound up in ego structures. It is self-centred, repressed, fearful, critical, grumpy and reactive. It comes to the fore when we are tired, tense, superficial and egotistical.

As stated earlier, different areas of our consciousness have different functions, i.e. the head, heart and belly centres are specialised for thoughts, emotions and instincts respectively. Each of these fields of consciousness has numerous sub-areas, each with its own specific abilities. We utilise the area of consciousness that is most appropriate for our immediate requirements. If the required area contains ego structures we will react with the pre-programmed behaviours and false qualities of the ego-personality, but if the area is free and clear we will respond with authenticity.

The degree of authentic personality that we are able to express is proportional to the number of ego structures we have, and the degree to which we are identified with them. Our true-nature shines out from the core of our being through our personality. If the personality is full of ego structures the light of our true-nature is blocked, so our expression is more likely to be inauthentic. If, however, the personality is relatively clear of ego structures, the light of our true-nature radiates freely and our personality sparkles with authenticity. As our consciousness evolves, the ratio of ego to Self gradually shifts in favour of the Self. But the degree of authentic personality we actually express in any given moment also depends upon our mood, energy level, health and circumstances.

So what exactly is the authentic personality? Our true-Self’s field of consciousness (our soul) is pure awareness imbued with an array of essential qualities (love, joy, strength, will, peace, compassion, curiosity, creativity, etc.). These aspects of consciousness are called essential qualities because they are the essence of who we truly are. During our childhood, our soul’s essential qualities gradually permeate down into our personality where they unfold and develop into a range of usable personal qualities that collectively constitute our authentic personality:

• Mind-based essential qualities such as wisdom, knowing, clarity creativity and curiosity unfold and develop into usable personal qualities in our mental body, primarily in and around the head.
• Heart-based essential qualities such as love, compassion, courage, joy and connectedness unfold and develop into usable personal qualities in our emotional body, primarily in and around the chest.
• Body-based essential qualities such as will, vitality, groundedness, stillness and calmness unfold and develop into usable personal qualities in our energy body, primarily in and around the belly.

Different areas within these three subtle bodies (fields of consciousness) have specialised functions. For example, we utilise a different area of our heart’s consciousness to express compassion than we do to express joy, and a different area still to express courage, and so on. But each area of consciousness, irrespective of its location or function, contains all three types of personal consciousness (mental, emotional and energetic).

Each personal quality unfolds at a different time during childhood. For example, Strength starts to develop at about 9 months and Will at about 2 years. But the conditions must be just right for a personal quality to develop optimally, otherwise its unfoldment will be adversely affected or blocked. So parents should try to provide a safe and loving environment for their children, set healthy boundaries with the right balance of freedom and control, and avoid sending mixed messages that might confuse the child’s world view.

Our young and undeveloped personal consciousness needs confirmation that our understanding of reality is correct, so we seek validation from our parents and/or caregivers. If the feedback we receive contradicts or conflicts with our own innocent perceptions and conceptions, the emergent aspect of personal consciousness may not develop properly or fully. This is because the mental confusion and/or emotional turmoil interfere with the natural unfoldment of the personal qualities.

Here are some examples of common parental responses that contradict and invalidate a child’s perceptions of reality and sense of self:

• Shouting at the child for no apparent reason, because they are annoyed about something else.
• Saying one thing and doing another – it is natural for a child copy their parent’s behaviours.
• Saying “everything is alright” when the child is crying and everything is clearly not alright.
• Ignoring, not listening to, or not giving the child the time and attention they deserve. This makes the child believe “I am not loved”, “I am worthless” or “I don’t exist”.
• Saying “don’t cry” discourages the child from feeling pain and sadness, negating an important aspect of life. It encourages them to repress their emotions and discourages them from releasing them in a healthy way. Example: If parents soothe a child with food or a toy, as adults they may self-soothe by eating or shopping.

If the distress is intense or persistent, that aspect of consciousness may freeze and stop developing altogether. Generally speaking, the more intense or prolonged our fear and confusion, the less our personal qualities will unfold.

Even as adults, fear and confusion can cause us to temporarily freeze – physically or psychologically. When we were young and innocent, the effect was much more intense, so even a relatively minor event such as being shouted at could have had an overwhelming effect. Mental confusion, emotional turmoil and physical distress reinforce and validate each other in a feedback loop (see Figure 5), thus increasing the overall impact of the fear and trauma. All three elements of the developing personality (mind, heart and body) are affected, so the aspect of consciousness is traumatised on every level.

The traumatised aspect of consciousness is literally frozen with fear. It is frozen in time and space, so it remains at the age it was at the time of the trauma, and it has a definite location within our body. The piece of consciousness is frozen at the peak intensity of the fear, so it “lives” in eternal fear.

The ego-mind (the part of the mind that is controlled by the ego-self) creates a protective ego structure (thought-form) around the frozen piece of consciousness to protect our ego-self and the rest of our ego from becoming overwhelmed by the trauma, fear and confusion, but in doing so we exile that piece of us. The exiled part feels like it has been imprisoned in hell for eternity. It feels like hell because it is always experiencing the peak intensity of fear, and it feels like eternity because it is literally frozen in time. A defensive ego structure may also be created nearby and programmed to act as a guard to prevent our conscious awareness from getting anywhere near the exiled part. The pain, fear and confusion have been repressed – buried deep in our subconscious where they may become completely forgotten.

If the unfolding of our essential strength is blocked by psychological trauma, we will lack authentic personal strength. This makes us feel vulnerable, so we have to develop ego structures to provide us with false strength. If the unfolding of our essential will is blocked, we will feel anxious and have to develop ego structures to provide us with false will. These ego structures are coping mechanisms and survival mechanisms that help us to get through life without authentic personal qualities. So psychological trauma changes our entire approach to life: from authentic experience and expression, to defending, coping and surviving.

The functionality of an ego structure can never match up to the real thing because it is a crudely constructed inferior copy of an exquisite essential quality. This is not surprising because most of our ego structures were initially created when we were 6 months to 6 years of age. They were created by an immature and inexperienced mind. So not only are they poor reproductions, they are often immature, inappropriate or even dysfunctional. As we get older, we may refine and develop our ego structures, in which case they build up in layers like the rings of a tree-trunk. It doesn’t matter how highly-polished the outer layer is, the frightened infantile core remains buried within. Some people put a lot of time and effort into refining and polishing their ego-personality to help them succeed in life, but that is just masking over the symptoms and ignoring the root of the problem.

Ego structures also form in response to not being fully seen or not being accurately seen, e.g. being misunderstood or seen as inadequate. Such perceptions give rise to false beliefs that we are unimportant, inadequate or have to behave in a certain way to fit in. An ego structure is created around the false belief (to repress it) and programmed to compensate the false belief. If, for example, the false belief is “I should be seen and not heard”, we might create an ego structure that restricts our natural expression and makes us introverted. Our false and distorted beliefs are often copied from our parents or older siblings. If, for example our father believed that people must work hard to succeed in life, and he regularly demonstrated that, or just said it a lot, there is a good chance that we would have taken on that belief and become a hard-worker or even a workaholic later in life. We can also rebel against our parents’ beliefs and behaviours, in which case we will adopt the opposite belief or behaviour.

These processes occurred countless times during the development of our personal consciousness, so our ego developed in a modular fashion. As the number of ego structures increased they became interconnected and formed a complex super-structure. As the super-structure grew and became more stable, our false sense of self expanded into it – and our ego was born. Since then, the ego has grown, developed, adapted and evolved to help us cope with life’s events. Individual coping structures are often updated as we grow older and become more capable. The new layers build up like the rings of a tree trunk (refer to Figure 6).

The more mature and capable outer layers often assume secondary roles of protecting the younger inner layers. These guarding structures don’t require updating, so they remain at the age at which they were created.

Collectively, the entire ego super-structure builds up in the same manner as each individual ego structure, with the false-self at its core (Figure 7). The false-self is self-centred; it is the centre of our ego and the centre of our inner-world. But its awareness is usually focused at the periphery of the ego, because that is where the most-capable coping structures are located, because it is far away from the deeply repressed exiles’ pain, and because it can get external validation from the outside world.

Every ego is unique and utilises different strategies to help us survive and even thrive in the world we live in. So it is important not to think of the ego as a purely negative construct that must be purged from our psyche. Although, when it no longer serves us it will begin to dissolve naturally. This book is about assisting this natural process, through conscious inner work.

Inner work is not like regular work that requires effort – in fact it is the exact opposite. Inner work requires us to stop efforting, seeking, striving, grasping, clinging, resisting, fearing and over-reacting. All it requires us to “do” is to simply “be” and be with “what is”. It requires us to become a Human Being instead of a Human Doing.